Relationship,family Relationship

 Why Do Some People Only Know Who They Are When They Are In A Relationship?

While some people can find that they can function whether they are with someone or if they are by themselves, there are others who are not in the same position. In this case, one can find that they struggle when they are not with someone.

On the other side, one could find that they it is not possible for them to function in a relationship. As a result of this, they are likely to do everything they can to avoid getting too close to others.

From The Outside

However, if someone was to come across how these people behave, it would be easy for them to come to the conclusion that one of them is healthier than the other. As one of them is drawn to being with others, they could be seen as the one who is comfortable with intimacy.

Whereas when it comes to the person who does what they can to stop themselves from getting to close to others, they could be seen as the one who avoids intimacy. This would show that they have made a surface level assessment and not looked into the other factors that are at play.

Black And White

What this outlook would reflect is the belief that the people who have relationships are comfortable with intimacy and the people who don't are not. Clearly, if one doesn't have them there is a strong chance that they have a problem with it.

Yet even if one does have relationships with others, it doesn't mean that they are comfortable with intimacy. For example, one can be with someone and they may only share their mind and body.

Two Sides

One can then come to believe that they are in a relationship and the people they know can also form the same outlook. If the people around them had this outlook, it could be a sign that they are also experiencing life in the same way.

Thus, through having a surface level relationship themselves, it is not possible for them to recognise when another person experiences life in the same way. Ultimately, this is what is normal and so this is to be expected.

Loss

When one does avoid relationships, it is can be because this is the only way for them to maintain their sense of self. If they get too close to others, they are likely to end up feeling overwhelmed.

During this time, one can feel as though their very survival is under threat, and so this is naturally going to cause them to fear intimacy. It would be easy to down play this experience and to say that one should simply embrace their fear, but this would overlook how painful this can be.

Annihilation

During the time when one is close to another, they can feel as though their life is about to come to an end. Their ability to think will then be offline and their reptile brain will take over.

It is then not going to be possible for them to share their life with another person; the only thing they will be concerned about is protecting themselves. This can show that their younger years were a time when they were neglected and/or abused.

Vulnerable

Through being treated in this way, it wouldn't have been possible for them to develop boundaries, and this means that their sense of self would have remained undeveloped. So through feeling exposed as a